THE APPLE

Synopsis:  Sir Isaac Newton is sitting on a park bench looking at an apple.  Gerald Worthington Whiterspoon, III ( a baffoon) walks by.  As the two men begin to talk, they discuss the pros and cons of believing in something that can't be seen.  This is a comedy, so make the gestures big and the accents broad!

 NUMBER OF CHARACTERS:  2
GERALD WORTHINGTON WHITHERSPOON, III
SIR ISAAC NEWTON

PROVING THE EXISTENCE OF GOD - JUST BECAUSE SOMETHING IS INVISIBLE DOESN'T MEAN IT DOESN'T EXIST.

 
CAST OF CHARACTERS

CHARACTER: GERALD WORTHINGTON WHITERSPOON, III - AN ENGLISHMAN DRESSED IN WIG AND CLOTHING FROM 1600'S.  CARRYING A HUNTING RIFLE.   HANDKERCHIEF IN POCKET.

CHARACTER: SIR ISAAC NEWTON - AN ENGLISHMAN DRESSED IN WIG AND CLOTHING FROM 1600'S.  HOLDING AN APPLE.  HIS POCKETS SHOULD BE FULL OF SMALL OBJECTS AND ANOTHER APPLE.

PROPS: PARK BENCH, RIFLE, 2 APPLES, HANDKERCHIEF, PILE OF ROCKS NEXT TO THE BENCH. A STUFFED DUCK THAT LOOKS LIKE A CHILDREN'S TOY, AND A COIN TO PUT IN NEWTON'S POCKET..

COSTUMES:  2 WIGS, LACE ON CUFFS OF SHIRTS, PANTALOONS IF POSSIBLE OR JUST BOOTS COVERING BOTTOM OF PANTS.  JUST DO THE BEST YOU CAN WITH THE COSTUMES.  WIGS AND LACE ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT COSTUME ITEMS.  WIGS CAN BE TIED IN A PONY TAIL IF YOU WANT.  IF YOU TIE THE WIGS BACK, USE RIBBON TO MAKE A VERY SMALL BOW AT THE BACK OF THE HEAD ON THE PONYTAIL.

 SCRIPT

Scene opens as Sir Isaac Newton sits on a park bench holding an apple in his hand.   He slowly tosses it up in the air and catches it several times, all the while looking at it thoughtfully.

Enter Gerald carrying a gun.  He stops half way across the stage and points the gun to sky.  Pulls the trigger and and yells "BANG".

Gerald - Oh, I say.  What rotten luck.  I missed again!

Newton - (Turns and looks at Gerald.)  Having problems sir?

Gerald - (Lowers gun) Oh, I am most frightfully sorry.  Did I disturb you?

Newton - No, I just wondered if you were having any difficulties? (Begins to toss the apple again thoughtfully)

Gerald - (Walks toward park bench) Please allow me to introduce myself.  I am Gerald Worthington Whiterspoon the third.  (Bows slightly)

Newton - (Stands, faces Gerald and bows slightly) Sir Isaac Newton at your service. (Sits back down on park bench and tosses the apple slowly in the air again.

Gerald - (sits down next to him and watches him for a moment.)   I say, Old Man.   I know it is terribly rude to ask, but would you happen to have another apple?

Newton - Oh, certainly, sir.  (Reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out an apple and hands it to Gerald).

Gerald - Thank you so much. (takes a bite of the apple)  I haven't had a bite all day and I am simply starving.  I say, this is a delicious apple.

Newton - Yes, I believe it is.  In fact, it is known as a Red Delicious apple.

Gerald - As opposed to what?  A Granny Smith? (laugh uproariously at his own joke).

Newton - Granny Smith?  Do you know Granny Smith?!!!!!

Gerald - Oh my yes.  She makes the most wonderful pies doesn't she?

Newton - Oh indeed.  Yes indeed she does!  (looks at Gerald's gun) By the way, might I be so bold as to ask why you are shooting off a gun in the middle of the park?

Gerald - (slaps his knee and laughs uproariously) Ducks!

Newton - Ducks?

Gerald - Certainly, Sir.  Haven't you heard?  Today is the first day of the Duck Hunting Season!  Frightfully good sport, you know.

Newton - I wouldn't know.  I don't hunt.

Gerald  - (looks shocked)  Surely you jest!  You don't hunt?  How extremely odd.  I don't believe I have ever actually made the acquaintance of someone who does not hunt.

Newton - (looks at the apple and starts tossing it in the air again)

Gerald - Look here my good man.  If you don't hunt, what do you do?

Newton - I am a scientist.

Gerald - A what?

Newton - I study nature...like this apple.

Gerald -  Why on earth would you do that?  Sounds frightfully boring to me.   Oh I do hope I have not offended you but an apple is just an apple after all.

Newton - On the contrary my good man.  An apple is the perfect example of my latest discovery.

Gerald - You don't say...what kind of discovery?  (takes a final bite of apple and drops the apple to the ground)

Newton - (points to apple on ground)  That!

Gerald - What?

Newton - Your apple, sir.

Gerald  - (looks at Newton like he's nuts and moves slowly away on the bench to put a little distance between himself and Newton).  I seeeeee.

Newton - No, sir.  I don't believe you do.

Gerald - Quite right.  I don't see, but I have a feeling you are about to enlighten me.

Newton - Well, since you insist, I will demonstrate further.   (takes a coin out of his pocked and drops in on the ground)

Gerald - (Watches the coin fall and then looks at Newton)   Alright, I will play your little game.  (Takes his handkerchief out his pocket and drops it on the ground)

Newton - Jolly Good Show!

Gerald - Oh, I can do better than that.  (Takes off his shoe and drops it on the ground)

Newton - You think that was something, watch this.  (stands up, walks over to a pile of rocks, picks one up and drops it)

Gerald - This is frightfully amusing, but what is the point of all of this, may I ask?

Newton - Gravity!

Gerald - Gravity?  What is gravity? (puts his shoe back on)

Newton - Gravity is my latest discovery.  I am a genius, if I may say so in all modesty.

Gerald - That remains to be seen my dear fellow.  You still have not explained what you mean by gravity.

Newton -  My apologies, sir.  Gravity is an invisible force that causes everything that goes up in the air to fall down to the ground.

Gerald - Good grief, sir.  Have you lost your mind?

Newton - No sir... I have not.  You have just participated in an experiment proving the existence of gravity.

Gerald - I have done no such thing.  The idea!  How absurd.   It is impossible to prove that something invisible exists.

Newton - Really?  How do you explain your apple core, your handkerchief and your shoe?

Gerald -  Well, they did all fall to the ground but that proves nothing.

Newton - My dear man, just because you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Gerald - I disagree most strongly sir.  I do not believe in the invisible.

Newton - What do you believe in?

(quacking noises heard in the distance and getting louder)

Gerald - I sir, believe in Ducks!  Oh I say.  Look at that.  A whole flock of Mallards.  Will you excuse for one moment please?

Newton - Certainly, sir.

Gerald - (stands up, points his gun to the sky and fires.   Yells "bang".  A duck falls from the sky.)  You can toss a stuffed toy duck onto the stage from the wings for this one.

Gerald - What an absolutely wonderful shot.  (picks up duck and looks at it in a perplexed way)  What an absolutely odd looking duck.  Never seen anything like it in my life. (takes duck and sits down on the bench next to Newton)

Newton - Tell me sir, do you do much duck hunting?

Gerald - Good heavens, yes.  Every chance I get.

Newton - Have you shot many ducks?

Gerald - Oh positively scads of them, sir.

Newton - Would you mind telling me how many of the ducks you have shot have not fallen to the ground.

Gerald - Why none sir.  What a ridiculous question. 

Newton - Is It?

Gerald -  Well, now that I think about it, (tosses the duck up in the air a few times and then catches it) you might be right.  What goes up, must come down!

Newton - Exactly!

Gerald - You know....(thoughtfully), you night be right about this gravity thing after all. 

Duck - Quack,  Quack. (Both turn and look at duck in shock)

(fade to black)

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