WAR AND PEACE
THE OVERDUE LIBRARY BOOK

Synopsis:  Eddie goes to the library to return a long overdue book and meets a prim and proper librarian.  The librarian is not too pleased with the length of time this book has been overdue.  The humorous account of how the book happened to be returned illustrates the virtue of courage.

NUMBER OF CHARACTERS:  2
LIBRARIAN AND EDDIE

COURAGE.  HONESTY.  GENERATION GAP.

PROPS: TABLE, CHAIR, EYE GLASSES, WRIST WATCH, LARGE BOOK (WAR AND PEACE), STACKS OF BOOKS, CALCULATOR, BOX OF KLEENEX, HAND STAMP FOR STAMPING BOOKS.

SCRIPT

Librarian is seated behind a table or desk.  Glasses are perched on the end of her nose.   She looks forbidding.  Scene opens with the Librarian furiously stamping books.

Librarian - (Looks at her watch and mutters to herself)   The library has been open for over an hour now.  Where is everyone?   Doesn't anyone read any more?  Of course not.  What was I thinking?   They're all at home playing video games!

Eddie (Enters carrying War and Peace behind his back.   Reluctantly walks up to the Librarian's desk.)  Excuse me.

Librarian - (looks up) Yes, may I help you?

Eddie - I hope so...um....well...you see...

Librarian - Young man, I don't have all day.

Eddie - (Sighs and opens his mouth to speak but changes his mind and drops War and Peace on the Librarian's desk.)

Librarian - (Picks up the book and reads the title out loud.)   War and Peace by Tolstoy.  Very good choice!  And excellent book.   Did you know this is one of the Classics? 

Eddie - No...I just know it's realllly long!

Librarian - Oh my, yes.  This is one of the longest novels ever written. 

Eddie - You can say that again.

Librarian - This is one of the longest...

Eddie - Yeah, I know.  I heard you the first time.

Librarian - I assume you're here to return this book? 

Eddie - You could say that. 

Librarian - Well, thank you and have a nice day. 

Eddie - Um...

Librarian - Was there something else, young man?

Eddie - Yeah.  The book is sort of overdue.

Librarian - Oh how silly of me.  I should have checked the return date.  I must be slipping! (Opens the back of the book and checks the date, looks confused.  Takes out a Kleenex and wipes her glasses.  Put her glasses back on and looks at the date again.)  Oh, no.

Eddie - Oh, yes.

Librarian - Young man, do you realize how overdue this book is?

Eddie - Well...

Librarian - (Gets out her calculator and punches buttons furiously)   Oh, my.  (Looks up at Eddie.)  Young man, you owe $162.10 in fines for this book.

Eddie - Ouch.  That much, huh?  My mom said she would be in later to pay the fine.

Librarian - (Takes off her glasses and fold her hands on the desk.)   Well, that's all well and good, but I believe an explanation is in order.  In all my years as a Librarian, I have never seen such irresponsible behavior.  What do you have to say for yourself, young man?

Eddie - Well, you see..it's like this.  I kept the book out this long because it took me three years to read it.  War and Peace is a realllly long book.

Librarian - Excuse me?

Eddie - Well, you said so yourself.  It's one of the longest novels ever written.

Librarian - Well, yes...but...

Eddie - To make matters worse, I didn't understand it...they kept talking about the Crimean War and I didn't know what that was....

Librarian - Yes, but....

Eddie - So, then I went online and looked up the Crimean War on the Internet.  Do you know how many websites I found?

Librarian - No, but...

Eddie - 87 websites!  I now know everything there is to know about the Crimean War.

Librarian - Yes, but....

Eddie - Then I started to wonder about this guy Tolstoy...I mean what kind of guy would write a book that long....so I looked him up on the Internet too.

Librarian - Yes, but....

Eddie - By the time I figured out the Crimean War, looked up Tolstoy and started to read War and Peace again....

Librarian - Yes?

Eddie - Well, by then I was really pretty sick of the whole thing.

Librarian - I can understand why.

Eddie - But I was determined to finish that book!

Librarian - And did you?

Eddie - Did I what?

Librarian - Finish the book?

Eddie - Oh yeah.  I finished reading it eventually, but then I lost it.

Librarian - (Puts her head in her hands.)  You lost the book?

Eddie - Hard to believe isn't it?  I mean, how do you lose a book that big?

Librarian - Well, you obviously found it again.  May I ask where it was?

Eddie - Oh yeah...it was at McDonald's.

Librarian - McDonald's?

Eddie - Well, you see, I used to carry the book around with me and read it whenever I got the chance.  You know...in study hall and detention.

Librarian - Oh, my.

Eddie - Then I made the School Varsity Hockey Team and I used to read it while I was in the penalty box.

Librarian - You read War and Peace during a hockey game?

Eddie - Yeah.   I spent a lot of time in the penalty box so it was a good chance to read while I was waiting to get back in the game.

Librarian - Why were you in the penalty box?

Eddie - For knocking Larry's front teeth out.

Librarian - Oh, my....poor Larry.

Eddie - Nah, he's fine.  He knocked my front teeth out during the next game, so we're even.

Librarian - Oh, my...

Eddie - But that's okay because Larry and I have the same dentist.   We actually got our teeth fixed on the same day. 

Librarian - Oh, my.  (sighs)  So how did the book end up in McDonald's?

Eddie - Well, after we got our teeth fixed, the dentist told us not to chew anything that was hard until the glue set on our crowns...so, Larry and I went to McDonald's to get a milk shake.

Librarian - I guess that makes sense.

Eddie - Anyway, Larry and I started talking about hockey and I left the book on the table...just forgot all about it.  I remembered it the next day so I went back to McDonald's to get it and here I am. 

Librarian - Young  man, you went to an awful lot of trouble to read War and Peace.  Did you like the book?

Eddie - Not really...I thought it was pretty boring.

Librarian - Then why did you finish reading it?

Eddie - Cause my Mom's always telling me to finish what I start...so I finished it!

Librarian - Young man...

Eddie - You can call me Eddie.

Librarian - (Holds out her hand.) Eddie, I want to shake your hand.

Eddie - (Shakes her hand and smiles.) Why?

Librarian - Not only did you read a book that most adults would be intimidated by, you actually had the courage to come here and return the book in person!  You have restored my faith in young people.

Eddie - Cool.

Librarian - Tell me, Eddie - would you like to check out something else to read?

Eddie - What a great idea!  Do you have any comic books?

Librarian - Oh, my.

(fade to black)

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